IMPORTANT (Long overdue) PSA

This has been a post that has been lurking in the background for quite some time. It should have seen the light when it was still a child, but it didn't. Now it is a man, and the light means nothing to it. Some posts have adopted the dark, this one was born into it.

This is pulled directly from a conversation I had with one Former University of Northern Iowa Student Body Vice President/Master Chicago Comedian/Future L.A. superstar hair stylist Ian Goldsmith (pronounced EE-yan).

No more fluff, lets get into it: THE POOP-CON SCALE

My rough ideas on the topic:

Poop-con 5: standard level of poop readiness. A poo is incoming eventually, but it can wait. Can be held for a significant amount of time in a road trip situation. 

Poop-con 4: moderate level of poop readiness. Poop-con 4 is typically reached after spending time at poop-con 5. Still classified as a standard poo with increased urgency. In a road trip scenario a bathroom break should now officially be planned.

Poop-con 3: significant level of poop readiness. Poop-con 3 is reached by ignoring poop-con 4, mild diarrhea or multiple poops with a short time period. In a road trip scenario a bathroom break should be taken at the next opportunity. 

Poop-con 2: extreme level of poop readiness. Poop-con 2 is the highest level of standard poo, also known as 'prairie doggin'. It can also be reached via moderate to severe diarrhea. At this level a poop is imminent. In a road trip scenario if a bathroom is not immediately available the side of the road will need to be used.

Poop-con 1: maximum Level of poop readiness. Poop-con 1 can be reached via extreme diarrhea or stealth poo*. At this level a bathroom will no longer be able to be reached and any pants will likely be soiled. In a road trip scenario a shower/change of clothes is highly recommended (required in some states).

Poop-con 0: bonus. You have dysentery, consultant a doctor immediately. 

*Stealth poo: a poop that is undetected until it is already exiting the bowels

Wow, that's some great information. We're not done yet though:

Just came up with a new poop-con level

Poop-con G: gastastrophy. The state of having massive gas build up resulting in many farts of various sizes and stenches. Poop-con G may lead to obfuscation of the standard poop-con scale. Use caution in Roadtrip scenarios.

Poop-con level D: the d is for dingleberry. 

More really useful stuff here. Still not done:

Just thought of something to add to the poop-con index, LSF: lingering stink factor. It's a rating scale, from low to high. 

LSF 0: at a factor of zero there is no smell based evidence a poop even occurred, throw it an after poop spray and it might even smell good. Threat level: none.

LSF 1: you can't say for sure that a poop recently occurred in this location, even with a detailed scientific analysis. Threat level: non-zero, but too low to be worth mentioning 

LSF 2: a poop can be detected by the bare nose at this level, but it is still mild. Threat level: very low. A poop was had recently in the area but it shouldn't stop you from handling your own business.

LSF 3: a smelly poop occurred in the immediate vicinity recently. Threat level: moderate. Persons at a high poop-con level may want to consider a different location or wait for the stench to dissipate. A bathroom with high airflow can make short work of this stink.

LSF 4: a very smelly poop occurred fairly recently. Threat level: high. If at poop-con 3 or higher this bathroom should be avoided. Stink will take some time to dissipate even with good airflow.

LSF 5: extraordinarily stinky poop occurred at some point. Threat level: very high. The poop that caused this stink was probably cataclysmic. It is entirely possible the person who took that poop did not survive. do not attempt to use this bathroom under any circumstance. Call the proper authorities and let the professionals handle it. DO NOT TRY TO BE A HERO!

You are now informed! Spread the word!

"You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down" - George Bailey (It's a wonderful life)

I need to come clean. Anyone who knows me will know I'm not the biggest fan of apple products.I could easily get nit-picky and make a long list of stuff apple is doing wrong with their products. In reality though, apple makes solid, good quality stuff. If I'm really honest with myself, I don't even have a problem with apple, what I do have a problem with however... is apple fanboys. People who insist apple can do no wrong regardless of what they're doing. I cannot stand these people. Intentionally or not, they are forcing a "If you disagree with me, you must be wrong" opinion on everyone they talk to technology about. Anyway I'm getting off track, what I am actually trying to say is this to apple fanboys: "I'm Sorry".

I have recently come to the realization that I have become a Samsung fanboy. In the last year alone I've purchased a samsung TV, tablet and phone. While I don't think I've supported samsung verbally, I have supported them with my purchases, and you know what they say "Actions speak louder than words". So for that apple fanboys I must apologize. It would be hypocritical for me to chastise fanboys when I'm doing the exact same thing with a different product. 

//END APOLOGY TO APPLE FANBOYS

Now that that's out of the way, I can move on to the point I really wanted to make. As I reflect back on the numerous conversations I've had with people over what kind of electronics we should all be using I can't help but notice something: I've put a lot of energy into debates about stuff. Debates that in the long run will be a moot point. (Any generic phone from 5 years in the future will undoubtedly make even the best current smart phones look like a pile of junk) I can't help but think all that time and effort could have been better spent on something else. 

Another example: different situation, same result. Back when I was in high school I was more than content to sit in my room and play video games ALL DAY. I'm not kidding about the all day thing either. I could literally play video games for days on end, no problem whatsoever. Eventually though, all good things must come to an end; I transferred to the University of Northern Iowa and moved into a magical place called campbell hall. This place effectively converted me from an introvert to an extrovert.(was I an extrovert the whole time and just didn't know it? Maybe, but I would like to think I was an introvert) Anyway my point is this: as I've become more of an extrovert some of the things I really liked to do in the past are no longer as appealing as they once were. I can't consistently sit down and play video games for hours on end anymore. It bores me. This has lead me to a new rule I try and follow whenever I can: When given the choice between people or things/stuff, always choose people. 

Allow me to elaborate. 

Situation 1: I'm in the middle of a Battlestar Galactica marathon when a friend calls and invites me to hang out. For anyone who doesn't know what a BSG marathon is like, take a quick look see at this here video: (actually, watch it regardless, its funny)

BSG Marathon

Following my rule, the choice is easy, go hang out with my friend. 

Situation 2: I'm playing Call of Duty online and I'm reaaaaally in the zone All the noobs fall before me with no hope of victory. This time I get a txt from a person I kind of know wanting to meet up for dinner. When I was younger there would have been a serious debate internally for me on what to do. Following my rule though the choice is once again easy (it's less of a rule though, more like guidelines), I'll go get dinner with a real, live human, even if it's someone I don't really like that much.Face to face contact trumps any digital alternative. 

The thing I hope to impress on you is that people are a better use of your time than sitting around by yourself. That's not to say you should avoid alone time like it's the plague, everybody needs at least some alone time, I'm talking about excessive alone time. One specific example comes from my childhood: My best friend at the time was having a birthday party in a few days. My mom was taking a trip to go see my cousins in the neighboring state, and asked me if I wanted to come. I knew that the trip she was inviting me on was going to overlap with my friends birthday, but I also knew my cousins had a new copy of pokemon for the gameboy. I really wanted to play that game, so I went with my mom, skipped the party and played the crap out of that game. But you  know what, to this day, I regret that decision. If I could go back in time and talk to myself, I would do my best to convince kid me to go to that party. As an adult I have to ability to play pokemon whenever I want, but you know what I can't do? I can't go to that party, and spend time with my friends.

If you take nothing else from what I've said here at least try and remember this: Your stuff will always be there waiting for you, but moments with your friends are fleeting. Once they're gone, they're gone. And if you're ever feeling like you've got no friends and stuff is all that's left, I happen to know this Jesus guy, and he's been waiting your whole life to be friends with you.

"He's dead Jim" - Leonard 'Bones' McCoy

That statement right there... That effectively describes me this very moment.

.... Well not literally, but figuratively it's spot on. The reason for my metaphysical demise? The action of putting one foot in front of the other in a swift, elongated, rhythmic pattern. Or what normal people call running.

As I am writing this I can honestly say I am none to fond of the idea of running. It makes me tired, sweaty and sore. Given my current perspective I can see no good reason why I should ever waste my time and effort on running ever again... but, God willing, I am going to go running again. Probably in the near future. It won't be because I listened to the Me that's talking right now, we've already gone over how he's anti-running. I'll do it because the Me 45 minutes from now will have a rational head on his shoulders and he'll know it was good for me. He'll be thanking the Me of now for his hard work and he'll be preparing for the future run that he's planning on doing. 

I think the idea that I'm trying to portray here, if I'm saying anything coherent at all, is this: That living in/for the 'here and now' is both an exhausting and potentially depressing idea to me.  I should be clear here, I am not anti-'here and now' in small doses, quite the contrary. I believe living in the moment can be fun and some of my best memories are things I just did on a whim. All I am trying to say is that I cannot live that way. Let's take a gander at what is in my opinion the key word to that phrase/lifestyle: "living".

To me this implies two things, first: living is an action, it's one we do at all times. It could also be described as something we are constantly in the process of doing. Taking that into consideration we can now apply it to our phrase: "Person is always in the process of being in/for the 'here and now'. This is more focused on the "in" part and it explains why I think it's exhausting. Any action that you have to do constantly will eventually drain your batteries. Second: We take what we already know from the first idea of "living in" and now apply it to "for" portion we get something that sounds like this: "Person is always in the process of looking Forward to future 'here and now's'. I know this sounds somewhat contradictory, so I'll try and elaborate. The person I'm describing always needs to be in the 'here and now', that being said 'now' is a fluid term -- it's always on the move. You are reading this sentence right now. When you started reading this sentence, the last sentence became old, and no longer 'now'. It's the same for these 'here and now' moments, one second they're here, the next they're gone. As such this person must always be ready to accept the next moment as the 'here and now'. This person cannot risk looking too far ahead lest he miss the moment he's in. This idea of not being able to look into the future is what depresses me most. This is probably because I really enjoy looking forward to things to come!

Here's a good example: A few weeks ago a certain EPIC cinematic event was released to the public for their enjoyment. If you talk to anyone who knows me at all, they will undoubtedly tell you I was more that a little excited for this movie. And why shouldn't I have been?! Giant robots fighting giant monsters? Yes and thank you. Sadly however this pales in comparison to something I'm way more excited for.

I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” -- Revelation 21:2-5

To cite one of my contemporaries, "It's gonna be dope". And yes, it is.

So to sum up, in the time it took me to write this post I've transitioned from the me who was mad about running, to the me who is glad I did it (Thanks old Me!) and can appreciate the benefits. I hope and pray that the day comes soon when I'll be able too look back on the me of now and say "wow, that guy was no where near excited enough for the awesomeness that he was looking forward to!" 

"To infinity ...and beyond!"

-Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story

As some of you may already know, I recently cut my hair significantly. I typically do this about once every 3 months, and because of the time gap I always seem to make one very crucial mistake.

Shampoo. Pretty much everyone I know uses the stuff on at least a semi regular basis, as do I. Here's the thing about shampoo though, when my hair is long I basically need to use about infinity of it to get my hair clean. This is a problem because when it comes to showers I am a creature of habit. I do the same thing every time and I don't really put much thought into it. This is fine most of the time, but when I go from lots of hair (and thus requiring lots of shampoo) to short hair, I always end up using waaaaaaaay too much shampoo in that first shower. All that shampoo doesn't like to stay in my hair either, so instead it just kind of goes... well everywhere. And THAT is why I always regret ever giving up Johnson's baby shampoo whenever I cut my hair.

Look how not blinded this baby is even with that much that shampoo

all over the place!

OK OK, now That I have that out of the way (I've been debating about posting on this topic for about a week now). I have a totally different topic that is much more relevant to my header.

As humans I feel the concept of infinity is rarely discussed and even less understood. It's just TOO big. For example, try and think of the biggest number that you can. How big did you get? A Million? A Billion? A Trillion? Quadrillion? Did you get even larger than that? Well even if you did it doesn't matter, however big of a number you came up with it is less than nothing when compared to Infinity.

Let's try adding a little perspective here. Go Play with this for a bit:

http://www.onemorelevel.com/game/scale_of_the_universe_2012

Feel a bit different now? If you scrolled out pretty much at all there is no way you didn't see how absolutely tiny we are. Here's the thing though, the scroll bar starts at about the 2/3rd's mark. We are almost unfathomably larger than the stuff even a few levels down. At the same time you can't even see the earth anymore if you go up a few levels. I hope you're as blown away by this as I am. 

Does infinity feel like a more daunting topic now? It should, because the thing with infinity is that it is unfathomable. Regardless of how big of a thought you are able to put together it's not big enough to encompass infinity. Even if someone did come up with a thought big enough to rival the size of infinity, guess what, infinity just gets that much bigger. 

I just realized I haven't given out a formal definition for infinity yet... and I'm not going to. After a quick Google search the majority of results returned all broke the cardinal rule of definitions: You don't use the word in its definition. This is fine though, because it just furthers my point that infinity is pretty tricky to understand!

"Bla bla bla, get to the point already!"-You, the reader

"Yes Sir!!!(or Ma'am if you're a lady)"-Me, the writer

I've been trying this whole time to impress upon you at least a hint of how incredibly large infinity is, because without a reasonable perspective my point will lose some of its punch. With that in mind here we go...

I've seen infinity. That unlimited thing we can't hope to comprehend. I see it every day. I see it in the form of GRACE. I've seen INFINITE GRACE. And that grace comes from an INFINITE GOD. Before any of us were born we were cursed with sin, a penalty to which the end result is DEATH. But! "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

We need look no further than Jesus Christ to see infinity in it's fullest amount. Through Jesus God has blessed us with infinite grace. It is only through that grace that we can escape the nearly infinite grasp of sin. 

I know I'm not a great writer, but I sincerely hope you got something out of this. And a special shout out to the person who encouraged me to write on this topic, you know who you are. Now if you don't mind, I need to go give my finite praise to a God of infinite grace.

"Sweet Lincon's Mullet!"-Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

I've decided that I want to lead into every blog post with a quote that is in some way relevant to what I'm writing about. It's like a style signature or something. Anyway onto the topic of the day: the film PACIFIC RIM.

Now I know I just said I wanted to open with a relevant movie quote and it seems like the topic is in no way related to the quote. While part of me wants to just let you figure out the connection on your own, I know the way my mind works is very unusual and people have a difficult time following my logic(that's another topic on its own). So I'll just spell it out for you: Mr. Burgundy's quote is awesome, and I think this movie looks awesome.

If you haven't seen the previews yet take a quick look-see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5guMumPFBag

Looks pretty sweet right? I think it does (if you're at the CF opening night premier I'll see you there). It's got one of those classic "TAKE MY MONEY ALREADY" features, GIANT robots fighting GIANT monsters. 

Now I know some people will not like this movie, maybe they don't like sci-fi or they think the premise is dumb. This is America, so it's fine for them to have that opinion. I'll tell you why I'm going to enjoy this movie though -- It's a throwback.

This is EXACTLY the kind of movie I would have begged my parents to take me too when I was a kid. I think if I'm honest with myself I can conclude that I'm still a kid at heart. I'd drink mountain dew before even thinking about coffee, I find "adult" activities, like wine tasting, boring and I still enjoy monster vs robots movies. 

So will Pacific Rim be a good movie? I haven't seen it yet so I can't say for sure, but I think it will be. Or perhaps I'm just ludicrously biased.

"I only speak two languages, English and Bad English"- Bruce Willis, The Fifth Element

That quote might as well be from me. 'Cept lose the "English" part. At least that's the case if you think about the term language in the typical sense. It's not for lack of trying either, I took multiple years of Spanish to little avail. 

That being said, if your definition of language is a bit looser, I probably speak more languages that most people. By my count I can "speak" at least 5 languages well, and I could probably get by with a half dozen more. The languages I speak are not your typical verbal kinds, for I am a programmer. If you want you can call me the "computer whisperer", but that'll never catch on. So where am I going with this?

In one of my earlier posts I mentioned my interest in video games. At the writing of this document my job is actually making video games (every little boys dream job I know). Making video games is fun and I enjoy it, but (and this is the point I wanted to make) there is a down side to being a video game programmer. 

MAGIC. To some people this is how video games and technology in general works. If the person I'm describing is you and you like it that way stop reading now, lest your magical kingdom come crumbling down.

There are a few very generic devices we programmers tend to use a lot, I'm only going to focus on one here though. TRIGGERS. Triggers are a very useful in programming, they are however a double edged sword. 

So what is a trigger? Typically a trigger is waiting for a specific event to occur. When that event happens it will 'trigger' some code to run. In most cases this is fine and works quite well. A good example would be automatic doors. They work in a similar way in video games to the way they work in real life. Automatic doors work by waiting for an object to be in front of their sensor, then the sensor tells the doors to open. In a video game it would probably work about the same, although the way it would get there would be a little different. Instead of the sensor being on top of the door there would probably be something more like a "pressure plate" in front of the door. When an object landed on the pressure plate it would trigger the code to open the door. Take the object off the pressure plate and the code to close the door will kick on.

So that's some of the good things about triggers. The down side for triggers is pretty detrimental though. I'm going to bring up two key examples of bad trigger usage. Example 1: Dead Space. The first time you play through dead space it's a pretty scary game, stuff busting out of walls just as you turn the corner, crazy things happening at just the right time. The first play through is great... unless that thing that popped out killed you. Then you have to play through the spot again, but this time you know exactly when and where that monster is going to be. Those events I just described are all trigger based. While the triggers give the control needed to pull off such excellent scares, they also make the game predictable and boring, at least after the first play through.

Example 2: Halo: Combat Evolved. Near the end of the game you get  in a situation where the ship you're on is getting ready to blow up. The core is overloading and is about to blow any minute!... as long as you hit the trigger. If you would prefer hide in a corner for hours on end you could just do that instead. The game does redeem itself with a totally awesome timed driving sequence. The problem with triggers here is flow of the game, it completely  takes any urgency out of what you might have been doing. I remember when I first played it I didn't know about triggers, so you know what I did? I ran. I ran as fast as I could. Because the ship was about to blow up. Was it actually going to blow up while I was still fighting my way out? no, but my urgency to try and escape was off the charts. And you know what? IT. WAS. AWESOME. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I wouldn't trade my computer science knowledge for anything, it's gotten me where I am today. But that knowledge comes with a price, I may never get to appreciate the Magical qualities of games the way I did when I was a kid. And while it's sad that I may never have that feeling again, the fact that I can probably figure out how to make my own game that does the same thing is pretty sweet.

That first awkward post that will look NOTHING like the others

"Hold onto your butts"- Samuel L. Jackson, Jurassic Park. 

Congratulations, You have just made a classic internet mistake and clicked on the wrong link. Don't worry, I won't judge you, it happens to the best of us. I'll just wait here patiently for you close this page and do something else.

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Still waiting...

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And a little more for good measure...

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And you're gone!

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Ooooooooooor not. Alright, you appear to be here to actually read my blog. I suppose this was bound to happen at some point, So I might as well share my plans for the immediate future of this blog:

1. Random musings. 

2. Attempts at actual advice.

3. Talking about things I like.

4. Talking about things I don't like.

5. Pacific Rim. (see 3)

6. Ian Goldsmith and Chris Bowden. (see 4)

7. Video games.

8. "Is this art?"-Featuring April Czarnetzki(if I can afford her services)

9. More random musings.

10. The mantis shrimp.

You should know that I try not to take life too seriously, and this blog will be no different. 

Some typical background information is in order:

WHO: Kurt Giese (that's me!)

WHAT: I already went over that

WHERE: Cedar Falls, IA. Or the internet.

WHEN: Now. Or when you're reading it, so later.

WHY: Because I like you, and I promised I would. I'm a man of my word

Anyway I suppose I should explain the title, but I'm not going to, so tough. Check back later for something that will inevitably  be wildly incoherent and make little sense.